Thursday, August 19, 2010

Humiliation Situation

I’ve realized that much of what I do is driven by embarrassment and humiliation. Because I’m so often embarrassed by mistakes I make, my lack of grace, or just looking foolish, I seem to feel the need to do something to make up for such events; something that requires exceptional skill, effort, and time to counteract the awkward, humiliating moments for which I’m responsible.

The awful part is that in these attempts to do something exceptional, the likelihood that I’ll fall on my face is high. I suppose it’s a good thing that I’m a writer, then, because I can take my time and work toward creating a piece that will (with any luck) make me feel at least marginally better about being a dork.

The road between where I am and where I want to be is long, steep, uphill, narrow, and flanked by sheer drop-offs, but it’s one I'm compelled to travel. It’s completely irrational thinking that there’s some sort of balance between the inflation and wounding of pride that needs to be maintained, but it’s something that is inextricable from my mind. I’m sure I’m not alone in this ridiculous pursuit, so please let me know what you think and whether you’ve experienced anything like what I’ve described.

30 comments:

Tarunita said...

Following you from Friendly Friday Follow.

www.dwivedi2326.blogspot.com/

Lana said...

Isn't that what life is all about? Our constant struggle to improve ourselves? Sometimes we do ourselves the biggest favor when we do things for others. In helping them, we are becoming that better person. That being said, only you can make you happy, so each of us does need to recognize that fact and make strides every day to give to our own needs and wants. This is does not mean indulging in a huge shopping spree; rather, we need to take the time to listen inside and find out what does make us happy.

PoetessWug said...

I just found your blog and am glad to meet another writer. I write poetry mostly though, and crochet...As to your post, I'm always working on something about myself, but generally speaking I like who I am...dork-dom and all!! ^_^ I say, don't be so hard on yourself. The things not so great...make good stories to tell!! :-))

Cindy said...

Hi, I'm a new follower. Love the blog.

Blogging Hints
Busy Mom's Tips

Let's Just Give It Away said...

I am following you back from Following Friday!


www.letsjustgiveitaway.com

Barefoot Mommy said...

Hi, I found your blog at Friendly Follow Friday! I'm now a follower and hope to see you stop by TBM soon! :)

Miranda - TBM

Kerri said...

Hey there! I am one of your newest followers! I found you through the Fun Follow Friday Blog Hop!

I'd love if you could stop by and follow my blogs! <3
http://www.H2owithKerri.com
http://www.CruncheeMom.com

Have a fabulous weekend! :)

misadventuresofamommy.com said...

Hi, this is Heather, blog hopping by!

I'll be back again real soon, but in the meantime please come visit my blog too! I'm having a really cute giveaway right now :-)

Heather
http://misadventuresofamommy.com

thepunkrockmom said...

I know exactly what you mean- except I don't do anything about it, I just curl up in a ball in the corner! LOL!
So while I think you need to cut yourself some slack, and it looks like you're trying to, at least you are doing something proactive and positive with your time instead of wallowing in self pity as I used to do :)

Found you from FunFritzFamily's BlogHop. Glad I did! Love your blog! Hope to see you around the Bloggy-verse!
<3MaryAnne

KyAnn (like Cayenne Pepper, only HOTTER) said...

Found you on one of the Friday Follows. I'm your newest follower on your super awesome blog!

KyAnn

http://checketts-myers-clan.blogspot.com

Nickie said...

Hiya, I'm your newest follower from FF blog hop!! :)

http://www.nofse.com

Krystal said...

I am your newest follower from Surfin' Saturdays.

http://glamourgirlreviews.blogspot.com

Traci66 said...

Hello, I found your blog via Sensational Saturday Social and decided to follow you. I hope you might come follow me too.
http://traci66.blogspot.com/2010/08/sensational-saturday-social.html

Nan said...

Visit from blog hop Friday Follow New Friends, Thanks for join my blog hop.
Hope you have a great weekend!
Would love to get visit from you/follow back if possible.
Have a nice day.
Nan.
http://theblogfrog.com/1233755
http://beonefineday.blogspot.com

Lily's Laundry Boutique said...

thanks for coming back to Fabulous Friday Follow! Great Blog.

misadventuresofamommy.com said...

Hi, this is Heather stopping by from the Surfin Saturday Blog Hop!

Nice blog! Just swinging by real quick, but don't worry, I'll be back soon! :-) Feel free to stop by my blog, I have a giveaway going on this weekend!

Heather
http://misadventuresofamommy.com

I♥thesecrazykids said...

I'm a new follower from Surfin' Saturdays. :)
Please stop by and follow me back @ http://atrioofboys.blogspot.com

Sandman Moon said...

I've told you this already, but I'll say it again here: Almost everything I do in life is an effort to overcompensate for things that have made my pride feel wounded in the past. I don't take humiliation well at all. Why do I do forty-four pushups per day? Not for my health, but because I HAVE to make sure I look hot if I ever run into my ex-boyfriends. Why do I study everything I can get my hands on? Because I have to look smart in case I run into any arrogant professors I've clashed with in the past. You know, that kind of thing. I'm sure it's not healthy, but it does bring some benefits to my health and book knowledge! And I suppose it's better than, you know, punching people in the face or something! Ha ha!

Tisha Matthews said...

No matter who we are and were we are in life we all experience embarrassing moments. I know I have. I'm not the best writer but writing helps me to express myself in ways that I'm not able to do in my life.

I think this blogging stuff is a great outlet.

I'm following you from Mingle Monday.

Tisha
http://coachtisha.blogspot.com/

Vhen said...

hi! following you from MMM...

hope you can drop by @ http://shyvhen.blogspot.com

vhen

Seams Inspired said...

My mom always told me, "You can't be cool all the time!" I think she meant I should love and embrace who I am. Most of the time I feel like a big Gooberhead ;o) The older I get, the more I love my Goober-self. Stopping by from MGM. Happy Monday from Larri at Seams Inspired:o)

Froggy said...

Thanks for joining Mailbox Monday! I'm following you via GFC and am e-mail subscribed.

Melissa AKA Froggy
A little of this A little of that...

http://darwinsfrg.blogspot.com

Terry said...

Following you from Monday Morning Blog Hop.
Would appreciate it if you could stop over and follow me back. Terry

My Journey With Candida
http://myjourneywithcandida.blogspot.com/

Grace said...

I feel your pain and have come from that course in life. Something about turning 50 makes you comfortable with your own skin and you learn that your job is to like yourself and forget what others think because it isn't their job.
When I do one of those humiliating events (which I still do...only yesterday)I just brush it off with the thought, "Like that hasn't happened to anyone else!" and go on and try and do better. Certainly takes the stress out of life.
Your a beautiful writer so your going to get through this.
So glad I found you through Follow Us Monday Morning.
Grace

Rich said...

Monday blog hopping and comment-palooza! From Ins and Outs, Making Friends Blogger Style. New follower as well.

Coupon Mamacita said...

Following you from Monday blog hopping!!!

Coupon Mamacita!

Mommy Katie said...

I am a new follower and I would love a follow back!!
http://www.mommykatie.com/

Erin Wallace said...

Here for the Tuesday blog hops and am now following you.

This is life, isn't it? Either soar high, or fall flat on your face! At least we learn more when we fall; it's these experiences that seem to really impact us and make us grow.

Hope to see you at Dropped Stitches.

xo Erin

FrugalMom said...

Life!! That's what it is!

Thank you for joining me at Follow Us Monday Morning, I am now following your blog.

I would love it, if you would come and join me at The Wednesday Window . The Wednesday Window is the place to link up your favorite blog post of the week, check out Frugality Is Free for more details.

Minima Sapala said...

I completely agree with Grace. The older you get, the more comfortable you become in your own skin, and also, the more you realize that it's precisely our vulnerability that brings us together as humans. We don't admire the people who never fuck up or the people who have a glib answer for everything. In fact, we end up hating to be around those people because they make us hate ourselves for our imperfections.

We love the people who are brave enough to say, "Yes I am sad today" or "Yes, you did hurt my feelings." We look up to the people who share with us their stories about how they tripped in front of everyone, or had spinach stuck in their teeth during the entire super important work meeting they had to speak at.

And the other thing you realize as you get older is that everyone else is so worried about the spinach in their own teeth that no one's even looking at yours.