Monday, August 23, 2010

America's Next Top Doofus

One of the biggest bunches of morons in America today consists of people who you probably could not single out on the street, nor might you know whether they were even in the same room. They skulk about retail stores by day, and they lurk around product review websites by night. Even your very best friend might be one. These insidious dunces are customers who feel that they need to be convinced to buy something they already want.

This afternoon I was graced by the presence of one such idiot. He had come in just a few days prior with his girlfriend (!) to compare three products with very similar features and specifications, but he was back to ask a few (thousand) more questions. From this past experience I knew this simpleton’s face, but that didn’t make my stomach turn over with any less violence when he opened the door, triggered the classy convenience-store style chime, and started gunning me down with inane queries begging subjective answers. When he was with his girlfriend and under the bubbly spell of hormones and Axe body spray, he was filled with overweening ignorance, dismissing each of the products offhand. On his return trip by himself, he was markedly more considerate, taking the time to inspect the products an unnecessary number of times and rattle off questions that might have undermined his significant other’s confidence in his knowledge.

He was there to buy something. He wouldn’t have made a second trip if he wasn’t going to buy something. The guy settled on one product, asked even more questions, had me convince him that that one was the one he wanted (even though he already knew that that one was the one he wanted), and… didn’t buy anything. He said he’ll be back tomorrow. Awesome. Dumbass.

I know some of you are reading this, rolling your eyes, and thinking that all I write about is writing and how customers suck. While that may be true, this needs to be said so that maybe a few of you can relate, and so some can learn from the mistakes of others.


Anonymous said...

Visit from blog hop Follow Me Monday, Thanks for join blog hop.
And hope you have more follower/ Visitors.
Would love to get visit from you/follow back if possible.
Hope you have a great day!

bianca said...

Blog hopping :)


Anonymous said...

Thanks so much for linking up for our Tuesday Blog Hop! I'm your newest follower! I hope you'll follow me back! :)


Anonymous said...

Hi! Blog hopping.

If I come back tomorrow, I'll by something. I promise!!!

Love your writing style. Well done.

curlie girlie said...

I found you on the blog hop and I'm your newest follower! Come follow me too! :)

Minima Sapala said...

I think it could be said of Charles Bukowski that "all he writes about is writing, bars, and how people suck."

You're in good company. Check out Bukowski's Post Office or Factotum. Works of Genius written by a man like us.

Truthful Mommy said...

I'm your newest follower! Hope you can return the favor!

Leigh said...

Oh, now I feel bad. I spent all morning interviewing new lawyers over the phone, asking all types of insane questions, and then can't even hire one on my own, I have to present the facts at the board meeting next week and let them decide. (even though it's me that will have to deal with whoever they pick)

I'm sorry!

I'm a new follower from Tuesdays Tagalong.

Rich said...

Hahahahahahaha. Yes customers blow donkeys. Retail people are paid way too little, and treated like garbage. I want a reality show following me along during my day as a Retail Training Manager. You know Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares? Kind of like that, only in a store. And I get to punk slap random customers for being dumb. Sounds good to me! ;D Thanks for popping by!

Mom's Review for you said...

Hi! Just wanted to let you know about my MomsReview4You Wednesday blog hop! Would love it if you would come follow me and link up!

Sandman Moon said...

Ha ha! I love the detail about Axe cologne! Awesome!

Jen@born2impress said...

Hi there.
I am your newest FFF. Friend.
Please stop by and say HI:).

QueenB said...

i'm your newest email subscriber from mailbox monday!!

Kimberly said...

Quite funny.
Great blog! Came across your blog from one of the blog hops, and looking forward to reading more of your stuff. I am now following... feel free to follow back if you like!!!!
All the best,